What I'm Learning at the Airport Newsstand

1. Fergie slept with rich men for cash (The Globe) - Who doesn't?


2. Cher's new life-threatening condition (National Enquirer) - what happened to the old one? Did it stop threatening her life and move on to collecting Hummel figurines?

3. Cops shoot two-headed bigfoot (Weekly World News) - Great. Another story about Cher.

4. Los Mas Sexy (Mira!) - I can't understand this magazine, but the shirtless soccer players are cute.

5. Glee Secrets (Us Weekly) - Yeah. Here's a secret: one of the guys is straight. Shhh!

6. Drugs! Lies! Secret Lovers! (Star) - Oops. Cher, again.

7. Who's Gay and Who's Not (National Enquirer) - Ummm, me.

And - on the cover of Architectural Digest: Cher's New Hollywood Home. Guess those drugs, lies and life-threatening illesses are paying off.